Post 3

It has been a while since I have last written. I have a history of keeping journals where I write for a period of time and then when I open it again I find that I am close to the same date that I last wrote a year ago. Yesterday was my wedding anniversary, I am the most blessed man alive by God, who created this woman and then allowed me to be her partner. Sometimes I have to wonder what God was thinking, perhaps he violated the saying "cast not your pearls before swine." We did I guess the usual things couples due on their anniversary and counted our blessings, and thought about how blessed we are in our marriage by thinking about and discussing other couples that we know and their issues. We talked about the areas that we would like to improve in our relationship, and all the while enjoyed this amazing dinner that my wife prepared for us. Vegetables from the garden and our farm share, steak from my brother's farm, and a great red wine that I found for the low low price of 7.99. We also enjoyed many different cheeses, I'm not sure the exact number but I think it was around four different cheeses. Makes me think of our children in a symbolic way, the four cheeses were all the product of the cheese making process, but each were so different, even to the different ages of being ripened. We finished the meal with a desert that my wife created taking general cooking principles from certain pies and applying different ingredients that we really love and she thought would taste well together. But in the end, she had no real idea how it would turn out until we tasted it. This is the symbol of marriage, combining ingredients that have complimented each other in other interactions, utilizing standard cooking principles and putting it in the oven. A marriage is not something that you will know, before it's out of the oven, will taste great. You just have to put faith in the process of marriage and life, and combine the elements that you like in yourself and your partner and slide it in the oven of time. It is important to note that this desert was very rich in flavor, it had sour blueberries that were not yet ripe, it had lots of sugar, and it had honey and even goat cheese, but it is the blending of all of these different tastes over time in a heated environment that made the desert so rich. I guess so goes a marriage as well. I am writing today to note and remember that I am blessed, so that when I am feeling like I have been wronged, or that I have made mistakes or not taken something as serious as it deserves, that all is not lost. I am not something that God, the universe, or man has finally conferred as uselessness and void of potential. My wife is to valuable to waste on someone who is useless, she would have been created for someone else. God would not waste a single pearl on swine, for he knows better than anyone else the value of a pearl and the ability of another to recognize that value.

Post Two

The other night my boys and I were having a father against sons tickle wrestling on the bed. We were having tons of fun, lots of laughter, not the best activity right before bed, but being the opportunist that I am, I took what I could get. Now I'm sure you seasoned parents, mainly you mothers are already thinking it's late, it's the end of the day, children tend to change mood on a dime when they are tired. Dads, we have all heard "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt." Well I'm armpit checking my middle son, age 8, and he is finally able to get out the words "Stop it." In our house this is a direct shut off switch, my wife and I are very strict with the concept of stopping immediately when you are asked. So as I was taking my fingers out of his armpits he punches me three times in rapid succession in the face. Now this was a surprise, this child is often the one who will go toe to toe with anyone and sometimes really presses the boundaries with his mother and father, but punching a parent in the face is almost a capital offense. So yes folks here is the great opportunity to slow down and get to the real reasons why he hit me. In reality, although his punches were stunning, he is only eight years old and I am a grown man so the need to defend myself or seek immediate medical attention was taken off the table right away. We could discuss the other possible choices he might have made, discuss how this choice was wrong because it was a reaction and not a thought out choice...ect. Yes you guessed it, I instead grabbed and brought him to my face and yelled in his face, "Don't you ever #$@^^ing hit me in the face again!!!!" and I stormed out of the room. At this point my wife has heard the laughter cease and the crying begin. I, the educated and licensed dad/husband then proceeded to tell my wife to "ask him what happened" as I sulked in another room. He being the eight year old boy through himself on the floor and refused to talk, and pretended that if he was under the blanket on the floor no one could see him. Now the other boys in the room, they were picking up the toys, straightening out their dressers, asking if they can do anything to be helpful, or if they should just get into bed. It always amazes me when one gets in trouble or a serious event like this occurs, the others instantly become the wonderful, helpful, considerate children you dream of having.

Well a few minutes go by and I stand in the room as my wife sings the nightly bedtime prayer and I say nothing when she ends and everyone says good night to their mother, not me. To prove that I do have a heart, and some credentials, I start to feel something was wrong with what just happened, but I was not yet convinced that it was my fault. So I talk about it with my wife and she says you know how he can be, he is explosive like that with his brothers sometimes. You also know it is late and he has had a long day. Then she asks me what happened. I tell her and she says he must have thought you didn't stop, and you were not respectful of his request for him to stop. I then filled a little more in and said, "I might have swore at him." My wife has a furrowed brow now, "What do you mean you might have swore at him?" "I might have said Dont' you ever @#$&ing hit me in the face again." "Oh" she says, "That's probably why he was so upset and you probably scared him, you too need to have a talk before he falls asleep." "Well he is probably already asleep." "Well then go wake him up and talk with him."

I go into his room and ask him to come out to the living room. Well this now means the youngest all of the sudden has to go pee, and then a few minutes later the oldest comes out and wants to know why the middle one gets to get out of bed. After the other two are back in bed, we talk about what happened. He thought I was still tickling him after he said "stop it" and accepted that he made the mistake and assumed that my movement to get my fingers out of his arm pit was me still tickling him. I then told him that I was sorry for swearing at him, and most of all that word, and that a father should not address that word towards his son. Notice I said "towards his son", I have to hope that it is not as bad to say it in the presence of your son because I really need his help when I am working on the car, which is where I believe I learned all the swear words and the grammatical formula to create new ones while I was growing up. So anywho, he responds with "it's OK dad I just hope my little brother doesn't repeat it." We hugged and then he went back to bed. A few moments later the oldest brother comes barreling out of his room screaming "He got chocolate and watched a movie?"

Post One

This is the story of a man who by his training, internships, hours of supervision, client contact hours, successful completion of an exam, and licensure is supposed to be a figure of authority on matters concerning family life, relationships, marriage, and child rearing...but as you continue read the stories and events reported on in this blog you too may ask yourself, much like the author asks himself, questions like: "What the hell was he thinking?" "If he has all this training and four kids, when is he going to get it?" "Didn't he see that coming?" "I thought he was supposed to be able to be objective, compassionate, respectful, practice active listening skills, maintain a calm and cool position...?" "Doesn't he know their just kids for the love of God?" "Isn't his wife gonna be pissed when she finds out?" "Seriously...again?"

I do not want to lead you astray, this is not intended to be a blog that focuses only on my blunders, mishaps, screw ups, oversteppings, losses of cool, or repeated acts of stupidity. Instead it is a insight into the family life of a family therapist, which is not really all that different from say the family life of a farmer or school teacher, or elected official. They are all at times beautiful, happy, clear of confusion and complexity, and just plain fun...They are also at times ugly, sad, full of confusion and overly complex, and just plain dreadful.

It is within these boundaries I believe families exist. You can't have Superman without Lex Luthor.